I’ve heard stories of girls growing up too fast.
I’ve heard stories of girls who just love to dance. I’ve heard stories of girls who used to wear virginity like a badge on their chest. And now she’s got a baby sucking on her breasts. I’ve heard stories of girls with “born to fuck” tattoos on their wrists. These same wrists that were pinned down to the ground - three minutes felt like three hours as she got fucked up - the ass. Fucked, not raped. She couldn’t have been raped in her own home; she must’ve suggested it.
I’ve heard stories of girls, used and abused by the men they love most. I’ve heard stories of girls with very low self-esteem. I’ve heard stories of girls who’ve been through hell and back; and still live to tell their stories. And I like to listen, so I’ve heard stories…
And since I’ve been hearing about these stories - my whole life - I have tried to not be like the girls in these stories.
So as a kid I never wanted to grow up, yet I called myself the grown ass kid. And I always wanted to dance but daddy never let me, so that dream faded away too. When I was in the 6th grade, the finest boy in junior high told me he loved me and we’d always be together…convinced he was the “right one”, I gave it up to him. But I got lucky, so I never had a baby. And I know I’ve been lucky compared to the girls in these stories I’ve heard so much about.
So I keep telling these stories about these girls…with so much potential. These girls, who let petty things hold them back. These girls, who always fall in love with the wrong guys. These girls, that fit the stereotype. I re-tell these stories about these girls, because one way or another they have gotta told…
I believe that every girl has a story. I’ll let this one be mine
I haven’t been writing lately because I hate to admit to feeling the way I’ve been feeling for a while now. I’d hate to see it in writing, because then it becomes that much more real. So real, I’d have to get up and do something about it. But I don’t want to. I’d much rather keep it bottled up inside until eventually the feeling passes away. And it will.
So my life isn’t going as planned; it never does. It’s starting to get a little nerve racking. But hey, if I’m not stressing about something, I might as well be dead…
Story of my life
12th grade, me @ a school speech meet
Watching this made me realize how far I’ve come along and how much I’ve grown…
You…
And Sunday mornings. The comfort of home and house slippers. Forehead kisses. Strawberry freckled lemonade on a hot day, Erykah Badu on a rainy day, Nappy roots on a bad day, A tribe called quest on any given day…smart food popcorn and ps. I love you on repeat all day. Sexual inuendos, and metaphors about windchimes and pens and…Def jam poetry…like Shihan “I wanted a love like…”
You asked me what it took to make me happy and I said the little things…and you.
And I’m not tryna be on some Alicia Keys type shit coz everything in this world still means a damn thing with or without you.
But I’d still rather be with you…
Quote: Yea, I like you…as a friend. End quote
Dear friend,
It’s funny, that’s the last thing I wanted us to be -
Friends…
Friend, I woke up today and I realized that
Nothing I’ve ever said or done has made a difference in your life
Friend, I’ve been living in this fantasy,
And now I’m thinking that maybe
Someone must’ve sent us a Cupid-in-training
Because after he shot me, he must’ve lost his aim
And so the arrow didn’t quite reach your heart…friend,
Instead it pierced some other 2.0 version of you
And I settled for him,
Because, it’s better than nothing
And I figured I’d just upgrade when the time was right
But the right time never came around
And things never did work out, so
I’d run to you for comfort, my friend
You were always there for me, friend
…well, except for the times when you’d meet some other girl
and because you swear she’s got your heart this time
We’d fuss and fight until I was forced to realize that
No one wants a
Pathetic-lovestruck-needy-overly sensitive-got way too much attitude-argumentative-stubborn-egotistical-talk ya damn ears off type friend…
So I’d be left with no choice but to find another version of you
Who didn’t quite measure up, but would have to do
Because friend, sometimes I get lonely…Friend,
I’m not the patient type but when it came to you
I was hoping that dealing with all your bullshit
All these years would eventually result in happiness
And I held on to the promise that even if it took forever,
No matter what happened, at least we’d still be friends…
Who knew forever would come before eventually…
Friend, after three-and-a-half years, I’ve just now realized,
That I’ve been fighting for something that wasn’t even there to begin with
And now friend,
I am tired
And I’m sick of waiting
And I’m done trying
Friend, you make me feel unpretty
And unwanted…
Which is kind of twisted, because I think
It’s in your job description to NOT make me feel this way…FRIEND,
I hope that you are starting to hate the word friend now, like I do, friend
I know I’m wasting my time writing this letter,
And maybe I won’t send it, because,
You probably won’t even bother reading it
And I’d post it on facebook and tag you in it,
But I know you’d just untag yourself anyways.
And you know what, that’s cool.
It’s fine by me, friend
Friend I really just wanted to let you know that I’m done…
Friend, I’m done wasting my time
I’m done wasting my time on someone
Who doesn’t, never did, and most likely never will
Give a shit about me…
Sincerely,
your friend
